Tristan & David

Medical Information:

General Health:

Healthy! We are both active, physically healthy, regularly see individual therapists and a couples therapist, and take good care of ourselves :)

Fertility Information:

We have 4 tested embryos. Our embryos were made with the help of a known donor. We are in the process of preparing to create more embryos in the Summer/Fall.

Fertility Clinic:

Tripod Fertility, Toronto

Why are you looking for a Surrogate?

We’ve known we have wanted to have children for a long time. Being Queer has meant learning a lot of self-love, compassion, and holding deep capacities for empathy. It’s also meant finding joy in a loving community of friends and family around us. We know for sure that we each have so much love and care to offer if we have the privilege of being able to parent children of our own. Ultimately, our priority would be ensuring our kids feel emotionally and physically secure, and that we’re creating space for them to become their fullest, most fulfilled, secure, and happy selves.

We have spent the past few years considering which path we’d want to take to build a family. We ultimately landed on surrogacy because we are drawn to the possibility of having a genetic connection to our children and we also see how beautiful the process is - and have immense gratitude to the folks who offer to be Surrogates to support others in their fertility journeys. We feel very grateful to have the privilege to be able to explore this path and will not take it for granted!

Tell us about your family & loved ones.

Both of our sets of parents are very excited by the possibility of us having children, and we know that they will be supportive of our journey towards matching with a Surrogate! Tristan has 2 brothers and David has 1 brother. We know our siblings, their partners, and our niece (11) and nephew (13) will all be thrilled for us and so excited to welcome more children to our families.

We have a loving circle of friends in Toronto, some are already parents, and all know we're looking to build our family and are thrilled for us!

Would you like to attend appointments with your Surrogate?

Yes, we would love to attend appointments with our Surrogate, but we’d want to talk to them about it to understand what they feel comfortable with - we’d be flexible based on what they are comfortable with and up for. We’d want to attend in person if we could and our Surrogate lived nearby, but would also be happy to join virtually.

What are your thoughts on termination of a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities or complications related to the pregnancy?

We are firmly pro-choice as a value. We recognize that the decision to terminate a pregnancy is immense both emotionally and physically, and are committed to treating discussions about termination with the utmost care. It would be important to us that our Surrogate is also pro-choice and would themself consider termination if they or the baby’s wellbeing were in jeopardy. It would also be important to us that they are open to consulting a doctor about the decision. We’d want to discuss in advance all of our perspectives on termination, principles for scenarios that could come up, and how we would approach discussions about termination during the pregnancy, so that we could face any scenario together.

If a termination were recommended (due to risk to our Surrogate or Baby) and our Surrogate wanted to proceed, we’d be committed to being present and supporting our Surrogate through and after the process. We’d also be open to considering working with a family counsellor/therapist so that we’d have a facilitated and safe way to talk about complex topics like this together.

If the Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples, how would you feel? How do you feel about the possibility of selective reduction being recommended due to a multiple pregnancy?

We would be thrilled if our Surrogate became pregnant either with a single child or multiples! But our priority is the health and wellbeing of our Surrogate and the long-term health of our child(ren). We are supportive of selective reduction to increase the chances of a positive outcome for both the Surrogate and the baby/babies.

Similarly to termination, we recognize this is a super emotionally complex topic. It would be important to us that our Surrogate is open to considering selective reduction, and that they are open to consulting a doctor throughout the process and about the decision.

We’d want to discuss in advance and come to a set of principles for scenarios that could come up and for how we’d approach discussions about selective reduction if needed during the pregnancy.
And again, we’d be open to considering working with a family counsellor/therapist so that we’d have a facilitated and safe way to talk about complex topics like this together.

Are you vaccinated for Covid-19? Do you have a preference for a Surrogate to have been vaccinated for Covid-19?

We are both vaccinated for Covid-19 and have all other routine recommended vaccinations. Our preference would be for our Surrogate to be vaccinated for Covid-19 as well as all other routine recommended vaccinations.

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your Surrogate during the pregnancy?

We would be open to a wide spectrum of options, but do not want to enter the process with expectations, because it would be very important for us to know what our Surrogate wants, and also for the relationship to feel like it can grow organically.

At minimum, we would want a relationship founded on mutual trust and respect, open and honest communication (especially when it’s hard!), and compassion/care for each other. Beyond that, we’re both open to friendship, and understand that there is a wide spectrum of what friendship can look like. We’d each want to let our relationships with our Surrogate to grow and evolve organically, and we’d enter into it without expectations but with a lot of openness! :)

Do you want to be in the delivery room when your child is born?

Yes, we’d love to be present in the delivery room, but only if our Surrogate were open to it! We would never want to create any pressure for them to do something that doesn’t feel comfortable and safe!

What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your Surrogate after the birth of your child?

The answer is really the same, we’re both open to friendship for the short or long term, and understand that there is a wide spectrum of what friendship can look like! We also understand that the relationships would change in some way after the baby is born, and we’d want to embrace that next chapter without expectation and similarly with a lot of openness! :)

Would you be open to a home birth?

We are open to discussing the possibility of a home birth depending on the Surrogate’s location/ proximity to a hospital (in the event of complications or an emergency), but would ultimately prefer to plan for birth at a hospital or medical/birthing centre.

Are you open to midwifery care?

We would prefer our Surrogate work with an obstetrician but are also open to discussing multiple options to ensure both their and the baby’s wellbeing and comfort through the full process, including doctors, nurses, midwives, and doulas.

Would you like your Surrogate to provide breastmilk?

We are flexible on this and would totally depend on whether they would want to and whether we live close enough to each other. If they were open to providing breastmilk we’d love that - but would not want them to feel any pressure to!

What will you tell the child about the Surrogate, and the circumstances of their birth? If the child asks to meet the Surrogate, how will you feel?

We would want to be very open with our children about both our known egg donor(s) and our Surrogate. We believe it’s important that once they’re ready, we talk very openly about the beautiful, collective and intentional journey to bringing them into the world - as an expression of how deeply loved they are. We’d be ready to meet them where they are at - understanding that it could feel complex to process. Ultimately, our goal would be to ensure they feel comfortable talking to us, asking questions, and feeling safe and secure in knowing the story of their birth.

We would feel very open to our child meeting the Surrogate, but only if our Surrogate were also open to it! We’d really want to defer to what they feel comfortable with :) If they were, we’d feel like it’d be such a beautiful opportunity for our child to meet someone who was so vital to them coming into this world. We’d value their curiosity and sense of agency, but would never create pressure. The environment we’d want to create in our home is one in which our child feels so safe, secure, and loved that they know they can speak their mind and ask questions always, without consequence or shame!

If the transfer is unsuccessful, will you want to try again? If so, how soon after?

Yes, we would want to try again, but we also know for sure that it’s our Surrogate’s decision, and we’d embrace whatever they choose. If they did want to try again, it would be on their timeline - we would be there to support them and talk about it, ensuring they never feel pressure and always feel their sense of agency and that they are in the driver’s seat.

If this surrogacy journey is successful, would you want to complete a sibling journey? What do you envision that looking like? (timeline, same Surrogate etc.)

Yes, we would be very interested in completing a sibling journey! We’ve always envisioned having multiple children AND also we’d be so grateful even to have one child!! If our Surrogate had a good experience with us and were open to considering doing a sibling journey 2-3 years later, we would love to do it with the same Surrogate, but recognize how immense it is to decide to do Surrogacy once and would enter into the journey with zero expectation of our Surrogate doing a second journey with us!

What are your plans for childcare once the child is born?

We are very lucky that David is self-employed as an artist, so Tristan would be able to take a full 12-18 month parental leave from work. We would both want to be fully present with our child over that first year or more, and beyond that we would coordinate our schedules to ensure someone is always available. Longer term, we’d also consider daycare before they start school.

What does a typical weekend look like for you?

Every season feels different, but in the summer we love to spend AS MUCH time outside as we can - we go to the beach most weekends and are soaking up the sun while we can! We sit on our front porch most nights, chatting together or with our neighbours, and often have friends over for a chill outdoor dinner with a glass of wine, sometimes followed by a movie or night watching YouTube videos and singing along to Celine, Shania, Avril, and ABBA lol.
In the winter, we’re both a little slower, but usually up and each off to the gym, then spending the day inside or out if it’s sunny, and we try to go out for dinner, to a concert, or a movie with friends more often in the winter to get out of the house!

What are some of your interests/ activities?

We loveeee nature and try to spend as much time outside as we can. We go on backcountry camping trips every year with friends, day-hikes outside the city, and both deeply love hanging out at our local beach! We also both love music and try to go to as many concerts as we can, and when we’re home there’s always music on or David’s playing the guitar and we’re singing together.

We both love a good TV show and often have multiple on the go together, we spend a lot of time with friends, and try to spend a lot of time with our families in Toronto, Port Hope, and Vancouver, especially our niece (11) and nephew (13) who we’ve been lucky to see grow up over the past decade together.

Tristan loves group fitness classes, going out for dinner or concerts with friends, karaoke nights, film, and is always listening to music - lately a lot of Rosalia, Charli xcx, Waxahatchee, Omar Apollo, and Frank Ocean and always lots of Stevie Nicks, Phoebe Bridgers, Kacey Musgraves, Shania Twain, ABBA, Miley Cyrus, and Beyonce.

David is always adding to his long list of hobbies - most recently these have included planting and caring for a cottage-inspired garden throughout our front yard and learning how to hand-build ceramic pots and sculptures. Music has been a lifelong passion, and over the past 8 years David has taught himself to play acoustic guitar, so he’s always learning a new song that we can sing together, with friends, or with our niece and nephew! Other hobbies include baking pies with his grandmother’s recipes, memorizing the tarot deck, thrifting vintage Halloween and Christmas decor… there are too many!

Fun Facts:

We have two cats named Orion and Alaska (but we affectionately call her kooks) who we love dearly! We’ve had Orion since 2016 and Alaska since 2019. We’ll have pets for life for sure <3

Day to day we eat a lot of fish, chicken, and salads, but we both love love love Mexican food, a good pizza or pasta, or yummy Pad Thai, Ramen, or homemade Wonton soup. And of course lots of chocolate, cookies, and homemade pies that David bakes :)

We love a good beach and swimming day, so we try to go to Oaxaca, Mexico for a week each winter, go on camping trips in Ontario every summer, and go to BC most years to visit family and friends and enjoy time by the ocean and mountains.

David was born and raised in a small rural town where his parents still live, so we visit often and over the years have enjoyed many fall-fairs and other quirky but traditional small-town events. Growing up, David spent all of his free time making art, playing in the forest behind his grandparents home, or going to the river and beach with friends. His love for hands-on imaginative creation, outdoor play and nature are passions that we hope to share with our children!

Tristan grew up in Toronto and loves the city but was lucky to be able to go to his grandparents’ cottage all the time as a kid, so he has many fond memories of summers at the cottage with his brothers and cousins. As it’s passed down in the family, it’s been a special place for us to build new memories together, and it's been beautiful seeing our niece and nephew grow up there <3

We’ve been together for almost 12 years and are just starting our journey to building our family. David is originally from Port Hope, Ontario, and Tristan was born and raised in Toronto. We both went to Queen’s University in Kingston, but didn’t cross paths until we were both living in Toronto in 2014. We fell in love quickly over our shared values and loves of music, good beaches, camping trips, animals and having many a good meal and glass of wine with our closest friends. We’ve now lived together in Little Italy in Toronto for the past decade with our two kitties and just bought our first home together in this neighbourhood we’ve come to love so much.

In that time, David has been self employed as a visual artist, and Tristan has worked in various marketing jobs and currently works at Google. We’ve been lucky to go on annual camping trips together, many trips to BC visiting friends, and some bigger adventures in nature in Europe, New Zealand, and Mexico.