Stan & Martijn

Medical Information:

General Health:

Good/healthy/no medical conditions.

Fertility Information:

We have 7 healthy and PGT-A tested embryos. We are using donor eggs. We were blessed with Stan’s sister offering to become our egg donor. This means that our embryos will have a genetic link to both of us, for which we are very grateful.

Fertility Clinic:

Victory Reproductive Care (VRC) in Windsor, Ontario.

Why are you looking for a Surrogate?

We have thought long and hard about surrogacy. We’ve known, as a couple, for a very long time that our dream was to start a family one day. We explored various options, such as surrogacy and adoption. Adoption in the Netherlands is not really an option at this stage, due to various international restrictions. We also love the idea of having a child that is related to us. As such, surrogacy is the right option for us. Our main concern is the wellbeing of our Surrogate, which is why we decided to opt for Canada. The altruistic model and the level of care that is provided to our Surrogate both strongly resonate with our personal values.

Tell us about your family & loved ones.

We have taken our close friends and family along our journey. Both our parents are very excited for us and support us every step of the way. While we already have nephews and nieces, both our parents would love to welcome another grandchild into their lives, especially when that is the result of this extraordinary journey. Stan has a sister who has played an active role in our journey herself, by becoming our egg donor. Martijn has an older brother and a younger sister, who are both really keen to have new nephews or nieces in their lives. Our close friends are very aware of our journey. They have shown nothing but love, curiosity and true friendship. At work, both of us have discussed our journey with our managers, ensuring they understand that we will have to take a longer time off work at some point. Fortunately, they are very understanding and accommodating.
In short: our friends and family have truly demonstrated that they are an awesome support network to us and hopefully to our future child(ren).

Would you like to attend appointments with your Surrogate?

While these appointments are of great interest to us, we would first and foremost like to understand what our Surrogate prefers. Of course, we ourselves would love to be present at as many of these as possible. That might have to be virtual on a number of occasions, but we are planning to fly to Canada when we have a match with a Surrogate and once or twice during the pregnancy (provided our Surrogate is happy with that as well).

What are your thoughts on termination of a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities or complications related to the pregnancy?

While termination of a pregnancy is always an extremely painful decision to make, in case of very serious health risks to our Surrogate, we would without question put her safety first. If in that situation a termination is the only or the best option, we would definitely support that.
Regarding our child, if there would be severe genetic abnormalities that would render a normal life fully out of reach, we would consider termination. In the event of lesser abnormalities, where a child would still be able to live a happy and fulfilling life, we would of course welcome the child into our lives and into this world.

If the Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples, how would you feel? How do you feel about the possibility of selective reduction being recommended due to a multiple pregnancy?

Should our Surrogate become pregnant with twins, we would consider that a true blessing, although we are aware of the impact to our Surrogate. While twins are of course much more work, we would be very able to raise both children with the love and support that they need. If our Surrogate would become pregnant with triplets, and all of them prove healthy, for us the leading decision on selective reduction would be the health of our Surrogate. Carrying triplets no doubt puts a serious strain on our Surrogate. However, should that need not arise and should all three of them grow steadily and healthily, we would still be very excited to welcome all of them into our lives.

Are you vaccinated for Covid-19? Do you have a preference for a Surrogate to have been vaccinated for Covid-19?

We are both vaccinated for Covid-19. We have no preference in relation to our Surrogate being vaccinated, but we do feel it is important that we agree on the importance of vaccination in general.

What kind of relationship do you want to have the your Surrogate during the pregnancy?

Our Surrogate plays such an important role in helping us achieve our dream. As such, we would love a warm and open relationship with our Surrogate, with mutual respect as the most important factor. We would hope that our Surrogate feels she can speak up to us when things are not going well, being able to express her boundaries and feelings. Despite the time zone difference, she should feel she can call us up at night should she need to.
For sure, it would be great if we could speak more or less on a weekly basis, and of course more on a daily basis via WhatsApp or otherwise. Finally, building a personal relationship is achieved most easily through real contact, so we would definitely want to visit her a few times during her pregnancy (and of course, again when the baby is born).

Do you want to be in the delivery room when your child is born?

While this would be something we would absolutely appreciate, we recognize that delivering a child is something very personal, emotional and physically demanding. As such, we feel it is fully up to our Surrogate to tell us who she would like it best. Aside from our preference, she should be free to decide for herself what she wants. We are there to support her.

What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your Surrogate after the birth of your child?

Carrying someone’s child creates a bond for life and we would definitely like to stay in touch. We understand that our Surrogate also has a life and likely a family of her own, (like us), but it would be nice to send pictures and messages every now and then – and keep in contact. If our Surrogate is open to it, we would love to invite her over to The Netherlands when the child is a bit older, for them to spend some more time together.

Would you be open to a home birth?

While we personally think it is better for a delivery to take place in a hospital, we would of course be open to that if this is what our Surrogate prefers.

Are you open to midwifery care?

Yes.

Would you like your Surrogate to provide breastmilk?

If possible, we would highly appreciate breastmilk for the time after birth that we would still be in Canada, yes.

What will you tell the child about the Surrogate, and the circumstances of their birth? If the child asks to meet the Surrogate, how will you feel?

Our intent is to be open with our child about our journey, of course subject to their age and what they can reasonably understand. The child will likely have a special bond with their aunt as well, due to the egg donation process. In short: we would explain that they have two loving fathers, an aunt that helped their fathers a little bit, as well as a very lovely lady in Canada who helped deliver them.

If the transfer is unsuccessful, will you want to try again? If so, how soon after?

While an unsuccessful transfer is of course an emotional process, also to our Surrogate, we are very ready to become parents. The speed with which to try again would really depend on the health and wellbeing of our Surrogate for us.

If this surrogacy journey is successful, would you want to complete a sibling journey? What do you envision that looking like? (timeline, same Surrogate etc.)

We would already feel incredibly grateful to have even one child. If we are fortunate enough, we would love for our child to have a sibling in due course. It would be fantastic if that were to happen with the same Surrogate, not least because it creates a shared story between our children. The timeline for a potential sibling journey would depend on a Surrogate, though a three-year age gap would be our preference.

What are your plans for childcare once the child is born?

For the first few months after birth, both of us are planning to take full time leave from work. After a few months, as we would slowly get back into the workforce, both of us would consider working only four days a week, something that is pretty common in The Netherlands.
We would arrange daycare for our child for around two days a week, because we believe it is good for our child to learn to interact with other children.
Finally, we both have eager grandparents that would love to babysit every now and then, recognizing they are already highly skilled babysitters thanks to our nieces and nephews.

What does a typical weekend look like for you?

Weekends are our favorite time to be with family and friends. Eating out at a lovely place or cooking a nice dinner and inviting friends over is something we very much enjoy. We also love seeing our nephews and niece, strolling through the zoo close to our house or having them play in the garden.
Aside from meeting up with friends and family, Martijn really loves to take full advantage of the Sunday morning calm by getting on the water and rowing. While he is a competitive person by nature, he doesn’t forget to look around every now and then to appreciate the beautiful grasslands and historical windmills besides the water. Stan, in typical Dutch fashion, enjoys cycling and goes running to clear his head.
Aside from all the social activities, weekends are also our moment for some quality time together. We like doing cultural things, such as visiting museums, art house film theaters or other cultural venues.

What are some of your interests/ activities?

Stan loves running and cycling—mostly in a calm and social way, but at times a bit more competitive, for example when training for a marathon. Martijn has become his real hiking companion, sharing a passion for exploring both locally and afar. When we were in Canada, we enjoyed walks along the Bruce Peninsula and hiking the mountain in Quebec. For Stan, reaching the summit of Kilimanjaro was a true landmark in his life, especially because he shared the experience with Martijn and his sister.
Martijn enjoys rowing and swimming (and no, while people might think so, you typically wouldn’t want to mix those sports by jumping into the water after doing a rowing session). He is also passionate about literature and has a hidden craving for loudly singing Dutch folk songs at karaoke.
We both really enjoy having a garden to take care of and can spend hours repairing and restoring our early-20th-century home.

Martijn’s father is originally from Surinam (in South-America) and his grandmother made sure he developed love for Surinamese food, and especially her recipes, given the main source of pride in Surinamese families are grandma’s recipes.
Stan also got his cooking skills from his father’s side and is more of a cookbook chef, enjoying new recipes and experimenting in the kitchen.

We met almost ten years ago, in Groningen, a city in the north of The Netherlands where Stan was studying and Martijn had just picked up a job. Stan almost walked out on the first date, he shared way later. It was the middle of August and very warm; Martijn had put on white pants which he thought looked fine. Stan did not share that opinion. Martijn’s theory in hindsight is that if Stan stuck with him after hating those pants so much, it must have been true love.
A shared love we discovered that we both have is singing karaoke, specifically Dutch folk songs (the ones that are all about missed love or nostalgia, happy and sad at the same time). Admittedly, it will take a few beers before we get into that mode.
One of our highlights together, literally, was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in 2019. When you reach the summit in -20 degree Celsius weather, all other things you’re worried about in life seem to suddenly matter much less.
Stan is originally from Amsterdam, his family still lives there. Martijn is from Rotterdam. We settled on Rotterdam ultimately, but again, you can imagine how much we must love each other for someone to move to the main rival city. (In Canada, would this be like someone going from Toronto to Vancouver, or Montréal perhaps?)

“We feel blessed to come from very warm and loving families—Stan with his parents and older sister, and Martijn with his parents, an older brother and a younger sister. We are fortunate to have our extended families living relatively close by, which allows us to share many special moments together. Over two years ago, our beautiful nephew was born, and we are proud to be his godfathers. More recently, we welcomed a sweet niece and two other nephews into our lives, bringing even more joy and love to our family gatherings. We love the simple pleasure of seeing them stroll through the zoo near our house or watching them laugh and play in our garden.”