Mike & Lars

Medical Information:

General Health:

Good, no medication or illnesses. No known diseases in the families.

Fertility Information:

At the time of writing, we are in Canada for the creation of the embryos. We have 8 embryos and we are currently awaiting PGT-A test results. Our egg donor is Lars’ sister Seline. When we were in the early stages of exploring how to become parents, we mentioned to our families that we attended an event of a non-profit organization in the Netherlands. This organization informs LGBT couples on how to become a family.
After that, Lars’ Sister approached us with the offer to be our egg donor. She and her husband Robert are parents themselves. Our nieces are 2 and 4 years old. Seline mentioned that she and Robert already discussed amongst themselves that they loved being parents and wanted to help us to experience that same joy. Seline felt that carrying the pregnancy as well would be too much for her, but would be happy to be our egg donor.
We loved the idea! Our child would really be from both our families. Either way the baby would be loved but now we have the added benefit of having close genetics and the grandparents being also genetic grandparents.

Luckily Seline is a good candidate for being an egg donor. She has mentioned before that a few extra weeks of her time is totally worth giving us a life worth of joy.

Fertility Clinic:

Victory Reproductive Care, Windsor, ON.

Why are you looking for a Surrogate?

To put it simply, as a gay couple we need some help. Why Canada? In the Netherlands, we don't have agencies like Fearless to help us connect to potential Surrogates. Canada also has progressive laws on surrogacy, such as that we can both be on the birth certificate. Again, we cannot do that in the Netherlands.

Tell us about your family & loved ones.

Our parents have been very supportive throughout the journey. We would say for them it’s almost as exciting as it is for us. Lars’ parents are grandparents already of our nieces and they would be thrilled to add another grandchild to the family. Mike’s parents are very much looking forward to becoming first-time grandparents.
All the parents were very touched by and support the idea of Lars’ sister Seline being the egg donor. Lars’ mother even commented that, while she will always love her grandchild, she really loves the idea of our baby sharing genetics from both families. Overall the future grandparents are very curious about this journey and very happy that we can realize the dream of becoming parents.

Lars’ sister Seline and her husband are very involved in our journey so far as our egg donor. It goes without saying that she’s very much looking forward to having a niece or nephew. Zooey and Lizzie, the children of Seline and Robert, love to play together, so no doubt they will love to play with their new cousin. Mike’s brother Tim is also very positive about the journey and is looking forward to becoming a first time uncle.

We’ve shared the progress of our journey with our friends and co-workers and the reactions couldn’t have been better. We received many positive messages and encouraging words from the people around us, we feel truly supported by our environment. We also have two friends who are starting their own surrogacy journey in Canada, with whom we can share our experiences.

Would you like to attend appointments with your Surrogate?

We would very much like to attend ultrasounds, virtually or in person if possible. Attending in person would of course depend on the preference of our Surrogate. If our Surrogate could send some ultrasound images we would love to add these to the life-book to keep as memories to this journey.
We would also love to be present at the birth, but whether in the room or soon after the birth, we’ll leave that up to our Surrogate’s decision. We would love to experience as many moments as possible but we also want to give our Surrogate the privacy she would like.

What are your thoughts on termination of a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities or complications related to the pregnancy?

If medically necessary, we would support termination of a pregnancy, upon advice of the medical team. This would include genetic, chromosomal or structural abnormalities. Or if the pregnancy poses severe risk to our Surrogate. Of course this would break our hearts but the health and wellbeing of our child and Surrogate have absolute priority. We hope that our baby will grow up having the best possible chance at a healthy life.

If the Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples, how would you feel? How do you feel about the possibility of selective reduction being recommended due to a multiple pregnancy?

First and foremost, the safety and health of our Surrogate is the most important thing. She will help us fulfill a dream by carrying our child, but we don't want to put her at any unnecessary risk. We want to listen to her and the advice of the doctors. If having multiples is safe and healthy, that would be wonderful. If a doctor advises on selective reduction we will take that advice seriously and discuss it carefully with our Surrogate and medical team.

Are you vaccinated for Covid-19? Do you have a preference for a Surrogate to have been vaccinated for Covid-19?

Yes, we both are fully vaccinated. We would prefer that our Surrogate is vaccinated too. For vaccinations in general, our child will get the recommended vaccinations and therefore we would like our Surrogate to share this value.

What kind of relationship do you want to have the your Surrogate during the pregnancy?

We would describe the relationship as one of friendliness and support. We really want to be there for her and would love to be involved. So we would like to have some regular calls and texting just to check-in. Of course we would love to call or be present at important moments like ultrasounds and such.
We are not the kind of people who call daily but we really want to get to know our Surrogate and her partner / family and support however we can. A (video)call a week, texting regularly, and sharing pictures is definitely something that we would love to do.
For some of the important moments, we see ourselves visiting Canada a couple of times. For example, attending ultrasounds, if our Surrogate is okay with that. We really want to be there for the birth, so we plan to arrive in Canada 3 or 4 weeks before the due date. During that time we can of course help our Surrogate. Even if it is just doing the dishes!

Do you want to be in the delivery room when your child is born?

Preferably yes, we would like to be there. Still, we do understand the importance of privacy for the Surrogate. We are happy to discuss this with our Surrogate when that time comes.

What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your Surrogate after the birth of your child?

We would love our Surrogate to be a friend of the family after the birth of our child if our Surrogate would like that as well. We hope to share pictures and videos of milestone moments with our Surrogate and have occasional contact. Ideally, we would like for our child to have the opportunity to meet our Surrogate in person once they’re ready for that.

Would you be open to a home birth?

Yes, we would be open to that, given that there are no complications expected and a hospital is in the vicinity if something happens. As mentioned, we would like to be present at the birth in the room or next to it, so in that case we would be at our Surrogate’s home.

Are you open to midwifery care?

We would definitely be open to this if our Surrogate would prefer this. A midwife can provide great support for both the Surrogate and us throughout the pregnancy and after. As a first-time parent in a different country, we would definitely welcome the support and care for our baby.

Would you like your Surrogate to provide breastmilk?

We see the health benefits, especially for the first few weeks. So, we would definitely be open for this but not a must. Lets see what is practical.

What will you tell the child about the Surrogate, and the circumstances of their birth? If the child asks to meet the Surrogate, how will you feel?

We want to be transparent and honest with our child from an early age. We will tell our child that her/his aunt helped and that there was a special woman in Canada who helped us too. Of course we will keep it simple and explain in more detail when they are able to understand. We have already seen some fun children's books about surrogacy journeys so we will definitely see ourselves sitting down with our child and reading it on a rainy day.

If our child asks to meet the Surrogate we will enthusiastically say- “Yes of course!” We think it is important for our child to know how she/he came into the world. Our child probably already waved to our Surrogate through the camera when we caught up over the phone.

If the transfer is unsuccessful, will you want to try again? If so, how soon after?

We understand the first transfer may be unsuccessful. We do our best but you can never predict biology. How soon after is also really up to our Surrogate. How she feels and even if she wants to try again.

If this surrogacy journey is successful, would you want to complete a sibling journey? What do you envision that looking like? (timeline, same Surrogate etc.)

We envision our family with two children, so we would like to complete a sibling journey. We think it would be beautiful if our two children could have the same Surrogate, but we of course understand that’s maybe not a possibility. Ideally we would like +/- 2 years between the first and the second child.

What are your plans for childcare once the child is born?

The first month we will spend together as a new family, probably in Canada while we prepare to go back to the Netherlands. Then initially, we would start with 1 parent at home for the first 6 months due to generous paternity leave provided by our employers. After that, we plan to both work 4 days a week, with Mike working in shifts. Therefore, we plan to have a parent home for most days during the week, and we have eager grandparents-to-be who would love to help out, like some of them have already done for our nieces.

What does a typical weekend look like for you?

We do different activities during the weekends, varying from visiting family and friends to sports (gym, cycling, running) or visiting attractions in the neighbourhood. Lately, we have also spent quite a few weekends on home improvement projects. Our home is newly built, and after all these weekends, our garden is finally no longer just mud.
Probably at least once a month we go out for sushi, which is Mike’s favorite food. Other times we meet up with friends for birthdays or go out for drinks.
Besides our own hobbies and meeting with friends, we like to make time for our family during the weekend. Luckily both of our families live relatively nearby. We are often there for coffee, dinner, or barbecues, if the weather allows. Still, the schedule can be quite full. Mike works in shifts and has occasional weekend shifts, but we make it work.

What are some of your interests/ activities?

We are both into tech, gaming, movie nights and going to the movies. Lars recently picked up a new hobby: cycling on his race bike. Mike enjoys going to the gym to lift weights and programming a bit. Together we try to get our steps in, so after a day of work we will catch up by going for a walk in the neighbourhood.
During the weekends we also go out with our friends. Mike loves to do an escape room and having a boardgame nigh while Lars meets up with friends for a craft beer.
We also enjoy traveling. We go skiing once a year in the Alps. Last winter Mike’s parents joined us and our friends. Mike’s mother mentioned she would love to teach her grandchild to ski when they are able to.
We try to plan one or two city trips a year and a big holiday. The Christmas markets in Vienna were beautiful! Edinburgh is probably next on the list.
Over the recent years we visited the USA, Mexico, Cambodia and Thailand. The next destination is going to be Singapore and Malaysia!

Fun Facts:

We both love sushi, and a wide variety of other (international) foods. We currently go out for sushi once a month, especially when Mike is picking the restaurant. We both love cooking and trying new things. Homemade pizza is the go-to comfort food for us.
The last few years we also hosted Lars’ or Mike’s family at Christmas, and then we really went all out. A six course traditional Christmas dinner is the minimum. Mike can be quite the chef.

- Lars goes over the top with the Christmas decorations.
- Mike did underwater hockey as a kid/teen. Lars did Judo.
- We have been together for more than 10 years.
- At the top of Lars’ bucket list is to learn to scuba dive.
- Mike has a motorcycle license and wants to learn how to fly a small airplane.
- Mike worked at a theme park called the Efteling as a teenager (Dutch Disney). Lars worked at McDonald’s as a teenager.
- Lars hitchhiked in a competition a few times in his twenties. The locations included Denmark, Poland, Austria and Switzerland.
- We met while in university at a social drink. Our first actual date was grabbing coffee on New Year's Day.
- Lars surprised Mike with a room filled with balloons when Mike passed his final Air Traffic Control license test.
- We did long-distance for about a year when Lars was studying in Norway and Mike studied in France.
- Lars has to propose to Mike.
- We both enjoyed an active student life at our university.
- Our first vacation / city trip was to London, where we stayed at an Airbnb.
- Mike has flown in the cockpit several times.
- Lars was once the host at his university’s opening ceremony of the year and gave a speech to roughly 1000 people.
- Mike gifted Lars a custom-designed LEGO set with the floor plan of their new house while it was being built.
- For years, Lars was the founder of a startup that made teaching materials about Digital Skills for high schools.

“We met at university, while we were both board members, each of our student associations. Our first real date was coffee on New Year’s Day because Mike couldn’t wait another week to see Lars again. We saw each other a couple of times a week until Lars moved to the same dormitory building where Mike was living. About two years into our relationship Mike moved to France to study there for 16 months, and Lars went on an exchange semester to Norway. We visited each other back and forth during this time and survived the long distance with flying colours. During early COVID we stayed together at Mike’s house for a while, and then we decided to move in together. For the past 2 years, we have owned our own house in Eindhoven, with plenty of space to raise a family. For the future we’ll see what comes our way. We plan to get married sometime in the next few years and are excited to show our child or children the world.”