Cas and Stef

Medical Information:

General Health:

We are both in good general health.

Fertility Information:

We are currently in the embryo creation phase with Victory Reproductive Care in Windsor, Ontario. We hope to create and test embryos during this part of our journey. We will update Fearless as soon as we know how many embryos have been created and whether they are PGT-A/PGS tested. We are using donor eggs from a known donor: Stef’s sister, Anouk. This makes the journey very personal and meaningful to us.

If medically recommended and practically possible, we would be willing to consider creating more embryos. We would make that decision in consultation with our fertility clinic, our donor and our legal advisors.

Fertility Clinic:

Victory Reproductive Care, Windsor, ON

Why are you looking for a Surrogate?

As a same-sex male couple, we cannot carry a pregnancy ourselves, but we’ve have had a deep desire to become parents since the beginning of our relationship. We explored different paths to parenthood, including adoption, foster care, co-parenting and surrogacy. Over time, gestational surrogacy in Canada became the path that felt most aligned with our values: openness, care, respect and trust. We hope to build our family in a way that is honest and loving, with our future child knowing their full story from the very beginning.

Tell us about your family & loved ones.

Our parents are incredibly supportive and involved. They know how important our wish to become parents is, and they are excited and hopeful with us. Before we left for Canada for the egg retrieval, both Cas’ family and Stef’s family came together for a small goodbye party. It was a very special moment for us and showed how much love and support we have around us during this journey.

Our brother and sisters have been incredibly supportive of our surrogacy journey. A very special part of our story is that Stef’s sister, Anouk, is supporting us as our known egg donor. This means so much to us, because it brings the egg donor very close to us and to our future child’s story. Stef’s brother and Cas’ sister have also been very involved and supportive, for example by helping us capture and share our journey through photography. It really feels like everyone is contributing in their own way to help us move closer to our dream of becoming parents.

Our friends have been very supportive and curious about our surrogacy journey. They are interested in how we are experiencing this process and often ask thoughtful questions. Many of them have said they find it impressive to see how many steps we are taking to make our dream of becoming parents come true.
Our co-workers have also been supportive. Our employers made it possible for us to work remotely from Canada during this part of the journey, and some colleagues follow our updates through our Instagram account, From Amsterdam to Diapers. Their encouragement, both personally and professionally, has been very meaningful to us.

Would you like to attend appointments with your Surrogate?

Yes, we would like to attend obstetrical appointments where possible, especially important appointments such as ultrasounds and appointments where key medical updates are discussed. Since we live in the Netherlands, we would most likely attend many appointments virtually, if our Surrogate feels comfortable with that.
For us, it is important to experience this journey as a team. Just as Anouk is a meaningful part of our team, we hope our Surrogate will also feel supported and included throughout the process. We would like to be there for her where we can, while always respecting her comfort, privacy and boundaries.

What are your thoughts on termination of a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities or complications related to the pregnancy?

We would approach this with great care, respect and medical guidance. The health and safety of our Surrogate would always be a priority. If serious genetic abnormalities or pregnancy complications were found, we would want to fully understand the medical situation and follow the advice of the doctors and specialists involved.
In cases where the baby would not be expected to survive, would experience severe suffering, or where continuing the pregnancy would create serious health risks for our Surrogate, we would be open to termination. We would also want to discuss and carefully consider termination in situations involving serious medical conditions, such as Down syndrome or severe heart defects. For us, this would depend on the full medical picture, the expected quality of life, the prognosis and the advice from medical specialists.
For less severe or uncertain findings, we would want to gather as much information as possible before making any decision. We would not take such a decision lightly and would want open, honest and respectful conversations with our Surrogate, the clinic, medical professionals and our legal team.

If the Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples, how would you feel? How do you feel about the possibility of selective reduction being recommended due to a multiple pregnancy?

If our Surrogate became pregnant with twins, we would feel very happy and grateful. We are open to the idea of having twins and would welcome them with a lot of love. At the same time, we are not specifically aiming for a twin pregnancy, because we understand that multiples can bring additional risks for both the Surrogate and the babies.
The health, safety, wishes and comfort of our Surrogate would always come first. Her preferences and boundaries would be more important than ours. We would want to rely on the advice of the doctors and specialists involved. If a twin pregnancy was considered safe and our Surrogate felt comfortable continuing with it, we would be very happy. If selective reduction were recommended for medical reasons, we would take that advice seriously and discuss it openly and respectfully with our Surrogate and the medical team.

Are you vaccinated for Covid-19? Do you have a preference for a Surrogate to have been vaccinated for Covid-19?

Yes, we are vaccinated for Covid-19. We personally chose to be vaccinated, but we also believe this is a personal choice. We do not have a strong preference regarding our Surrogate’s Covid-19 vaccination status and would respect her own decision.

What kind of relationship do you want to have the your Surrogate during the pregnancy?

We hope for a relationship built on trust, kindness, open communication and mutual respect. We would love to be involved and to share the journey together, but never in a way that feels overwhelming or intrusive. We understand that pregnancy is deeply personal, and we would want our Surrogate to feel supported, respected and appreciated throughout. Ideally, we would have regular contact in a way that feels natural for everyone, whether that is through messages, video calls, updates or shared moments around important appointments.

Do you want to be in the delivery room when your child is born?

We would love to be close by when our child is born, but we do not necessarily need to be in the delivery room during the birth itself.
We can fully understand that our Surrogate may want this moment to be shared with her own partner, family or support person. Her comfort, privacy and wishes would be very important to us.
Of course, it would mean a lot to us to be nearby and to be part of the experience in a way that feels right for everyone. Ideally, we would discuss this together in advance and agree on what feels most comfortable and respectful for our Surrogate, while still allowing us to be close to the birth of our child.

What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your Surrogate after the birth of your child?

We hope to have a warm and lasting connection with our Surrogate after the birth, in whatever way feels comfortable for her and her family.
We would love for our child to grow up knowing their story, including the special person who helped bring them into the world. To us, she would always be an important part of our child’s story.
We would really appreciate staying in touch after the birth, for example by acknowledging birthdays and sharing occasional updates, photos and special moments, such as first steps, first words or other important milestones. At the same time, we would always want this to feel natural and comfortable for her and her family.
Above all, we would like to build a connection based on warmth, respect and clear boundaries, in a way that works for everyone over time.

Would you be open to a home birth?

Our preference would be a hospital birth or a birth centre. We would be comfortable with the birth being supported by either a midwife or an obstetrician, depending on what is considered safe and appropriate for the Surrogate and the pregnancy.

Are you open to midwifery care?

We would be open to midwifery care if this is considered safe and appropriate for the Surrogate and the pregnancy. We would also want to respect and follow the Surrogate’s wishes and preferences in this, while making sure that safety always comes first. At the same time, we would fully support obstetric care if there is any medical reason for more specialized guidance.

Would you like your Surrogate to provide breastmilk?

We would be grateful if our Surrogate were open to providing breastmilk, but we would never want her to feel pressured to do so. We would see it as a generous extra, not an expectation.
As we plan to stay in Canada for at least one month after the birth, we would be open to discussing what feels realistic and comfortable for her during that period. Ultimately, we would want to follow what feels right for the Surrogate after the birth, while making sure that any arrangement is comfortable, practical, and respectful for everyone involved.

What will you tell the child about the Surrogate, and the circumstances of their birth? If the child asks to meet the Surrogate, how will you feel?

We want to be open and honest with our child from the very beginning about their story and how they came into the world. We would tell them that they were deeply wanted and loved long before they were born, and that it took a very special journey to bring them into our family. We would explain in a way that is appropriate for our child’s age and understanding at that moment, that Anouk, as our egg donor, and our Surrogate both played a very important and loving role in helping us become parents.
We would also love to create a book about our whole journey, with photos, memories and stories from the people who helped bring them into the world. In that book, both Anouk and our Surrogate would have a special place, so our child can grow up understanding their story in a natural, positive and loving way.
If our Surrogate would feel comfortable with it, we would also find it very meaningful if she wanted to write a letter or record a short video message for our child. This could be a beautiful way for our child to hear, in her own words, how she was part of their story.
We would want our child to know that their birth story is something to be proud of. It is a story of love, trust, teamwork and the support of people who cared deeply about helping us build our family.
Depending on the relationship with our Surrogate, we would love for our child to know who she is and understand the important role she played in their life. We would always speak about her with warmth, respect and gratitude.

If our child asks to meet our Surrogate in the future, we would see that as a very natural and understandable wish. We would gladly support this, if our Surrogate is also comfortable with it.
We would love for our child to have the opportunity to meet her, ask questions and better understand their own story and the journey that brought them into the world. We believe this could help our child develop a positive and complete understanding of their birth story.
Of course, we understand that this would also depend on where our Surrogate is in her own life at that time. We would approach this with care, patience and respect, making sure that any contact feels right for her, her family and our child.

If the transfer is unsuccessful, will you want to try again? If so, how soon after?

Yes, if the transfer is unsuccessful, we would still feel committed to the journey and would want to try again, assuming our Surrogate feels comfortable and the medical team recommends it. We understand that an unsuccessful transfer can be emotionally difficult for everyone involved, especially our Surrogate. Before taking the next step, we would want to check in with her, give everyone time to process it and follow the advice of the fertility clinic.
In terms of timing, we would be open to trying again when it is medically safe and when our Surrogate feels physically and emotionally ready. Her wellbeing would be very important to us, and we would want the next step to feel right for everyone.

If this surrogacy journey is successful, would you want to complete a sibling journey? What do you envision that looking like? (timeline, same Surrogate etc.)

It would already be an incredible gift if we are lucky enough to become parents to one child through surrogacy. The thought of having a second child one day would be wonderful, but we also understand that this is not something we can take for granted.
We would definitely be open to a sibling journey in the future, if that feels right for our family and if the circumstances allow it. At the same time, we are realistic about how complex and difficult a second journey can be, both emotionally, practically and medically.
If our Surrogate would ever feel open to carrying a second pregnancy for us, that would be an enormous gift. But we would never have that hope or expectation from her. Her own life, health, family and wishes would always come first. For now, our focus is on taking this first journey step by step and hopefully becoming parents.

What are your plans for childcare once the child is born?

We both plan to take parental leave and spend as much time as possible at home with our child in the first period after birth.
After that, we would both like to reduce our working hours, so that we can be home with our child during the week and really enjoy that time together as a family. Ideally, this would allow us to spend around two weekdays at home with our child ourselves.
We are also very lucky to have a strong family support system in the Netherlands. Our parents are very involved and would be happy to help with childcare on a regular basis.
Over time, we imagine combining our own care, support from our family and two days of childcare or daycare. We believe childcare can also be positive for a child’s development, as it gives them the opportunity to play, learn and interact with other children.
Our goal would be to create a warm, stable and loving environment, with enough time at home together and the right support around us.

What does a typical weekend look like for you?

A typical weekend for us is usually a mix of being active, seeing friends, spending time outside and enjoying time with family.
We often like to start the weekend with a workout. HIIT classes and BodyPump are some of our favourites, and we enjoy doing those together. If the weather is nice, we love going for a long walk, cycling through Amsterdam or sitting outside on a terrace with friends.
We also enjoy making plans with friends, whether that is going out for drinks, having dinner together or just catching up. Amsterdam has so many nice places to explore, and we also like visiting museums.
At home, Cas often spends time in the garden. He really enjoys gardening and even mowing the lawn, which has become one of those small weekend things he genuinely likes.
Family is also an important part of our weekends. We love spending time with our little nephew and we often enjoy simple family moments, like having dinner together or playing games with Stef’s brother and sister. For us, weekends are mostly about recharging, being active, connecting with the people we love and enjoying our home and the city together.

What are some of your interests/ activities?

We both enjoy an active and social life, but we also really enjoy spending time at home and doing simple things together.
Stef enjoys playing the piano and loves cooking, especially discovering new and exotic ingredients to try out in the kitchen. Cas enjoys gardening, making our home feel warm and cozy and taking care of our home and plants.
Together, we also like baking every now and then, for example making typical Brabant sausage rolls or a cake. It is a simple and cozy way for us to spend time together.
We also love traveling. Asia is one of our favourite parts of the world, especially because of the amazing food, rich cultures and the feeling of discovering something completely different together.
Besides that, we enjoy being outdoors, going for walks or bike rides, working out, meeting friends and spending time with our families.

Fun Facts:

We both love good food and enjoy cooking at home, but our favourite foods are quite different. Cas’ favourite comfort food is fries with a frikandel, which is a typical Dutch snack. It is simple, nostalgic and very Dutch. He also really enjoys Italian food, especially a good pasta or pizza.
Stef loves sushi and poke bowls, and is also a big fan of Ottolenghi recipes. He enjoys food with fresh ingredients, lots of herbs and Middle Eastern-inspired flavours. Together, we enjoy discovering new restaurants in Amsterdam and trying new recipes at home. Food is often one of the ways we spend quality time together. We almost always eat together at the kitchen table, which is a small daily moment we really value.

We both grew up in Brabant, in the south of the Netherlands, and later built our life together in Amsterdam.
One fun fact about our first date is that we went swimming together at a local pool. For Cas, it was not completely clear at first whether it was actually a date or just two people going for a workout. Luckily, the evening ended with our first kiss, so that cleared things up.
We also love working out together. Sometimes, without planning it, we accidentally show up to a workout class wearing almost the exact same outfit. As a gay couple, that can look very intentional, but it usually leads to a lot of laughter.
At home, we have a very clear division of tasks. Cas takes care of the garden, the cleaning and the laundry, while Stef does the cooking and really enjoys grocery shopping. It may sound quite strict, but it works perfectly for us because we both genuinely like our own tasks.
Stef also believes he has developed a special talent for playing the piano, although Cas is not always as enthusiastic about listening to all the practice sessions.
Together, we are a good mix of structure, creativity, humor and warmth. We love traveling, spending time with family and friends, and we recently started documenting our surrogacy journey under the name From Amsterdam to Diapers. Through this, we share parts of our journey, including some fun and personal vlogs along the way.

“We are a couple who value openness, honesty, kindness and connection. We have been together since 2017 and have built a loving life together in Amsterdam, surrounded by family and friends who are very supportive of our journey.
Our journey has already started in a very special way, with Stef’s sister Anouk supporting us as our egg donor. Going through this first part of the process together has made us even more aware of how meaningful it is when someone helps you move closer to becoming parents. It has also shown us how important trust, care and good communication are in a journey like this.
We know that a surrogacy journey asks something incredibly special from another person, and we would never take that for granted. At the same time, we would love for this journey to become a beautiful, warm, joyful and positive chapter in all of our lives. We would hope to build a relationship where our Surrogate feels supported, appreciated and free to be herself.
If we are lucky enough to become parents, we hope to create a warm home where our child feels safe, deeply loved and proud of their story.”