Dan & Mark

Medical Information:

General Health:

We are a very healthy couple. We put this down to eating really well at home as we enjoy cooking and keeping fit by doing weight training 3 times per week in our home gym. To keep our fitness interesting we also go for a run or walk in a nearby forest or a hike in the nearby mountains. We recently moved to Ireland from Australia and we live in the countryside so nature is very close by.

Fertility Information:

We do have 4 PGS tested embryos each (8 total) from the same donor as our grand plan is to have 2 children. We also have a few mosaic embryos each as well if they are needed. We found our egg donor through a Canadian egg donor agency in 2019. We were very fortunate and so happy to have been matched with her. Our embryos were made from our donor and we evenly split the eggs between us so that if we do have 2 children they will be genetically related. At this stage we hope the amount of embryos we have will be enough to have 2 children so that we don't need to create anymore embryos.

Fertility Clinic:

Our clinic is CReATe Fertility Centre in Toronto. We first went to CReATe in 2019 to do our bit to have the eggs fertilized. We were instantly amazed by how professional and clean the clinic was. Our nurse Deanna O'Neill and doctor, Dr Sharma have been fantastic and very quick to answer any questions via email that we've had along the way.

Why are you looking for a Surrogate?

We need to find a Surrogate to help us have children as we do not have any family or friends who are able to help us. We have chosen Canada for our surrogacy journey as we attended a seminar in Melbourne, Australia a few years back and we were very impressed by how Canada helps couples achieve there dreams of having a family.

Tell us about your family & loved ones.

We recently moved to Ireland from Australia to be closer to Mark's mum and his family. Mark's mum has been very supportive of us starting a family and we have a very close relationship with her. She already is a grandmother to 8 grandchildren from Mark's siblings so she's very excited to have more. She is very involved and often babysits her grandchildren and they love her. We are very close with Mark's sister and his brother who have children of their own here in Ireland. They don't live that far from us and we enjoy hanging out with them and playing with Mark's nieces and nephews. They have been very supportive of us starting a family. Mark's sister works in child care so she'll have plenty of tips and advice for us when we have children.
Dan's brother Mark (another Mark, we know how confusing this can get with there being 2 Mark's!) who has a disability does understand and when we first told him that we wanted to have kids, he said "I'm going to be an uncle". We know he'll be a very loving uncle.

All our close friends including colleagues have been so supportive of us in our surrogacy journey. They have been very interested in our journey as none of them have needed surrogacy. Most our friends have had children of their own since we've known them and their children have grown up calling us Uncles which is so lovely and humbling for us. Even though our friends are spread out from Australia, Norway and here in Ireland, we keep in regular contact through Whatsapp.

Would you like to attend appointments with your Surrogate?

Now that we are living in Ireland, the time difference to Canada is between 5-7 hours which is so much better than living in Australia. So we're pretty much living on the same time. We'd like to be involved in all appointments with our Surrogate virtually if she is able to during the appointment or very soon afterwards for a chat. We know this means that we won't be there in person but that won't stop us being supportive and caring every step of the way. If we are able to make an appointment throughout our journey that would be governed by our jobs and if we can get time off work etc. but we do hope that we'd get the opportunity to visit our Surrogate during the pregnancy and hopefully coincide this with an appointment.

What are your thoughts on termination of a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities or complications related to the pregnancy?

We would like to have the option to choose to terminate a pregnancy if medical advice is given that a birth will result in any genetic abnormality. This in no way means it would be an easy decision to make and it would be the hardest decision we'd ever need to make and hope we never will have to. The reason for this is that Dan's brother Mark in Australia was born with a disability and he knows how much care and support is needed not only when he was a child but throughout his life. Dan still is very much involved in organizing external support and appointments etc. for his brother and speaks with him everyday to check in and make sure everything is ok.

If the Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples, how would you feel? How do you feel about the possibility of selective reduction being recommended due to a multiple pregnancy?

If our Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples (ie twins) we'd be over the moon and would take it as a blessing and miracle. Provided that medical advice was fine and there is no adverse health complications for our Surrogate and she was happy to continue. If we had to make a selective reduction (ie. triplets etc.) then we'd need to consult with medical staff and our Surrogate on how to move forward. Again, this would be an extremely difficult decision to make and would be made to ensure the health of our Surrogate primarily and of any other unborn siblings.

Are you vaccinated for Covid-19? Do you have a preference for a Surrogate to have been vaccinated for Covid-19?

We are both vaccinated and were so during the pandemic however given that the worst of the threat is over, it doesn't matter to us if our Surrogate is vaccinated or not.

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your Surrogate during the pregnancy?

We are a very easy going couple so we would be up for any type of relationship our Surrogate is wanting, We'd be ok with a text or 2 per week or a chat every week/fortnight. We totally understand that our Surrogate will also have all the responsibilities of her own life as would we. But the most important thing for us, is that we can build a relationship that is honest and trusting, being able to mention anything to each other but also very supportive and caring and genuinely interested in each others life. We are a laid back couple and are always laughing (mostly at each other) so we definitely enjoy a laugh and we don't take each other seriously, so a Surrogate who also enjoys a laugh would be a great fit.

Do you want to be in the delivery room when your child is born?

We'd love to be in the delivery room and be part of the miracle of the birth of our first child. We've often thought about this and we know we'll be blubbering messes but it'll be the happiest day of our lives to be there. We want to also be there for our Surrogate and provide that support, love and care to her or just a hand to squeeze really tightly! It'll be us being part of and witnessing the biggest thing that we've dreamt of for years.

What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your Surrogate after the birth of your child?

We definitely want to keep in contact with our Surrogate post birth and throughout the life of our child and we hope our Surrogate would want to as well. Especially for yearly events like birthdays, Christmases (we are very big into Christmas), Halloween etc. But also sending messages of our baby’s milestones etc. and of photos of things we're up to like we would our friends. We hope that we would continue a close friendship with our Surrogate as she'll always have played a huge part in us having our child. She'll be part of our family story.

Would you be open to a home birth?

We aren't keen on a homebirth due to the increased health risks if there were to be any complications during or post birth for both our baby and the Surrogate so we'd only want our baby being born in hospital with all the medical help at hand.

Are you open to midwifery care?

We actually don't know and would have to find out more about this at the time. At this stage, provided any risks were managed and our Surrogate was receiving the right care, but again we'd have to chat about this with our Surrogate prior to see her thoughts.

Would you like your Surrogate to provide breastmilk?

We know how important the initial breastmilk is with all the vital nutrients for a baby after birth and we'd be very open to this if our Surrogate is.

What will you tell the child about the Surrogate, and the circumstances of their birth? If your child asks to meet the Surrogate, how will you feel?

We want to be very open to our child about how they started their life in this big world once they are at an age to understand. Our Surrogate will be a huge part of our family story and our child will grow up knowing they have a loving Canadian Aunt. Obviously at first, the story for them will have to be basic enough for them to understand until they were older to know more but we won't be shying away from telling them anything they want to know. There's a book called The Kangaroo Pouch that would be one of our child's first bedtime stories to have them start to understand the story of surrogacy.

We hope that by keeping in contact with our Surrogate post birth that our child will grow up knowing our Surrogate as an Aunt and close family member. In keeping in contact we'd like to visit Canada with our child whenever we can and our Surrogate will hopefully be able to visit us in Ireland too. So in developing this life long connection, it will be only natural for our child knowing all about our Surrogate from their beginning.

If the transfer is unsuccessful, will you want to try again? If so, how soon after?

If the transfer is unsuccessful we will show our Surrogate the love and care we pride ourselves in treating each other. We would like to try another transfer with our Surrogate providing she was able to and this will have to be guided by medical advice at the time. But we hope once we find our Surrogate and matched with her that we'll chat about this prior to the first transfer to see what each other's thoughts are about this.

If this surrogacy journey is successful, would you want to complete a sibling journey? What do you envision that looking like? (timeline, same Surrogate etc.)

We have a guaranteed 2 baby package with our fertility clinic. We want to father a child each. So when we find our Surrogate and when we are getting to know her, if she was open to the idea of doing a sibling journey that would be awesome. If this was an option then we'd hope the sibling birth would be possible between 1-2 years from the first birth. If our Surrogate wasn't sure or didn't want to, then that's totally her choice and we'd be very supportive of this. We'd then be looking for a second Surrogate after our first child was born in order to have our second child.

What are your plans for childcare once the child is born?

Once our child is born, Dan will initially take a year off work. We are hoping Mark will be working from home and be close on hand (like if there's a poo emergency!). After the first year, if Dan has to go back to work, then Mark may be able to take some time off but we would have to see at the time. The town we live in does have a number of child care centres close by and we will have to utilize one. One huge positive for us is that a new primary school is currently being built directly across the road from us and will be ready in a year or 2 so that will come in handy for school and after school care. We could also utilize Mark's mum for some quality grandmother time occasionally if we have to.

What does a typical weekend look like for you?

A typical weekend for us is visiting family or friends followed by relaxing at home. We'll be listening to music while playing a board game like Scrabble or playing our table tennis tournament. In the evening we'll be watching our favorite TV shows which is usually comedy shows. If it's a nice day, we'll be sitting outside in the garden watching the day go by and the wildlife doing their thing.

What are some of your interests/ activities?

Apart from our joint interest in keeping fit and doing weight training every Mon, Wed and Fri, we enjoy listening to music. The radio is on everyday. We enjoy listening to dance music (great for working out) but we also love 70s/80s/90s music. We have been to so many concerts over the years together like Fleetwood Mac, Eagles, Elton John, Cher, Bonnie Tyler, Melissa Etheridge, Vengaboys and various 80s/90s concerts with loads of different acts. Very cheesy we know. Dan collects vinyl records and has about 300 records and plays then on his mum's old record player. Dan's mum passed away in 1999 so it's so nice being able to use her record player that she used a lot during the 80s pumping out the tunes while wearing gold leg warmers! Dan also collects Lego and has grown his childhood Lego collection over the years to consume an entire bedroom. Mark started writing a novel over the last few years which has grown into a trilogy aimed at an adolescent/adult audience about Irish mythology. Interestingly, our garden is a real life inspiration as it contains many Hawthorn trees that feature heavily in Irish folklore stories. We have even created a fairy forest in our garden and have put small fairy doors at the base of some massive trees and have even made a giant's seat from a large tree stump. We do enjoy a bit of travelling when we can and it's now so much easier living in Ireland when countries are so much closer than when we lived in Australia. Our relaxing interests are playing board games like Scrabble, chess, Trouble, Jenga, Uno or table tennis on the dining room table with a clip on net. This was something to come out of the Covid years and we still play a table tennis tournament every Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. We are very competitive! And after all that, we enjoy watching TV in the evenings on the couch.

Other fun facts:

We don't have any pets but the house we recently moved into in March this year has 1.5 acres of land which means there's an incredible amount of birdlife including a resident pheasant that lives somewhere down the back. So we've put up a bird feeder for them. There's also 4 squirrels that compete with the birds for the bird seed even though they have their own nut feeder. They give us a lot to look out at as the feeders are opposite the front door. We find the squirrels very fascinating because in Australia we didn't have them, but we did have possums which are massive. We've taken so many photos of the birds and squirrels doing there thing outside. Very amusing. We'd like to get some chickens soon so we can have fresh eggs so these will be our first pets. Of course we'll name them!

Our food is so vast. Usually during the week, we don't spend much time cooking, it's usually putting sausages or chicken in the oven with roast potatoes and carrots and we steam broccoli. We eat so much broccoli! Maybe that's why we are healthy and not the exercise. We do mix it up with cooking steak with the roasties. We usually make chicken fajitas once a week which is very filling. We also have burger Thursdays, don't know how this started but we've been doing it for years and is either turkey or meat burgers in wraps with a fried egg, pickles, beetroot, olives and baby spinach. Then there's pizza Fridays. Again it's been going for years and means we don't have to think about what to eat. We use wraps as the base so they're thin and we put salami, mushroom, olives, cheese, broccoli and whatever else we have on them. On weekends we cook a big batch of bacon and eggs and it does us for Sat/Sun lunches. Finally Sundays is freezer surprise. We hope we're not the only ones who do this. It usually is chicken tenders or fish fingers, onion rings and oven chips. Dan every now and then will make a huge pot of pasta sauce and freeze it in so many containers that it's like tetris getting things into the freezer. Then when we feel like a lazy night we just need to cook the pasta. We also love seafood but didn't eat it much in Australia as it was so expensive. But since moving to Ireland, there's a van that comes every week with lovely seafood so we've got back into it cooking either fish in the oven or making seafood risotto with scallops, prawns and muscles. Making us hungry thinking about it!

Dan follows Australian Rules football and his team is Collingwood which is the team everyone else hates if you don't support them. Even though we're now in Ireland, he still will watch games live.
The only place in Canada we've been to is Toronto and it instantly reminded us of Melbourne. The skyline with the mix of modern skyscrapers and old buildings and trams everywhere looked so similar if it weren't for seeing cars driving on the other side of the road. We really enjoyed it and look forward to getting back to Canada hopefully soon. We've travelled Europe a lot and have been to Italy many times as Dan is part Italian. It's really hard to say a favourite place but we love the mountain area where Italy meets with other countries like Slovenia, Austria and Switzerland.

“We first met in 2010 in a gay club in Melbourne. Mark had moved to Australia in 2009 and settled in Melbourne and Dan had moved back to Melbourne in 2009 after living in London for 7 years. Things moved pretty quickly and we were living together within the first year. Then Mark's visa was expiring and we had to get a partner visa for Mark to stay. It was a hectic time as we didn't know what was going to happen but Mark got the visa. Then on the 10th year anniversary, Dan proposed to Mark. We used to back then and still do now, a crossword before bed every night and so Dan made up a crossword with clues of things they had done together and there were some yellow colored boxes which spelled "Will you marry me". Mark didn't realize at the start but when he did his face dropped which was hilarious. We then married on our 11th anniversary to keep the date easy to remember! It was during Covid times and we weren't sure if there was going to be a lockdown so we only had 15 people at our wedding which was small but so enjoyable and no stress. We even had games for our friends' kids so they were not only kept entertained but involved too. So then this year approaching our 14 years together, we decided to take the plunge and move to Ireland. We had talked about it for a few years beforehand. We'd been holidaying together in Ireland every year since 2012 so it felt right. We bought a 114 year old house with 1.5 acre garden in a town with about 6000 people which was a big change from living in an apartment in Melbourne with 5.5 million people. We are an hour from Dublin and Belfast and are right in the middle of the two and half hour from Mark's family. Our time together has absolutely flown. It was a weird thing from the start that we knew what each other was thinking or could pretty much finish each other's sentence. Again, it's very cheesy but we are soul mates. We are different in many ways but the same in so many. Like our interest in TV shows, music, food is the same. But then Mark's got the Maths degree so he's Dan's human calculator which is handy because Dan was rubbish at maths! Dan's more of a doer and Mark's more of a thinker. Dan wouldn't have joined the police in Australia 12 years ago if it weren't for Mark's support and in turn fulfilled a childhood ambition. We both started thinking about having kids about 5 years ago when we travelled to Toronto but we weren't sure if it was going to be in Australia or Ireland. Now that we've got the space and garden made for kids, the time is definitely right. We've put so much work into the garden to make it interesting for kids like the fairy forest and paths around the garden, and we both agree that we can imagine our kids enjoying this garden here with us.”