Shane & Ryan

Medical Information:

General Health:

We both live incredibly active, healthy lifestyles and have no health conditions.

Fertility Information:

We have 3 embryos that are PGT-A tested.

We’re very lucky to be using donor eggs from Shane’s sister, Michelle to create embryos with Ryan’s sperm. Michelle is such an incredible woman who has also donated eggs to her older sister which has since created two beautiful children (our niece and nephew). Michelle has only recently finished creating her family, which meant it was the right time for us to create our embryos with her. Michelle is willing to go through additional rounds of IVF if needed to create more embryos.

Fertility Clinic:

Victory Reproductive Care in Windsor, ON

Why are you looking for a Surrogate?

As a gay couple there are limited avenues to creating a family. Adoption is incredibly hard in Australia, and is virtually impossible for gay couples internationally. We have so much love to give and such a strong desire to have a family, that leaves pursuing surrogacy as our best option.

We’d love to find a connection with a Canadian Surrogate as the altruistic model aligns with our values. Unlike Australia (where surrogacy is also altruistic), Canada has a well established process, legal framework and incredible support system for both Surrogates and intended parents, which gives us peace of mind and certainty.

Tell us about your family & loved ones.

Shane's parents have been on the journey from the start as Michelle (their daughter) is our egg donor. They're very excited for us. Ryan’s parents are newer to the journey and are also supportive of our wish to have a family. Since Shane’s sister is our egg donor, it’s safe to say that she’s our number one supporter! Shane’s older sister (who would have carried for us if she was younger) is also our cheerleader, having had two children of her own created with Michelle’s embryos. And they’re adorable! Ryan has four brothers, of which two are already on the journey and they couldn’t be happier. We’re lucky to have supportive relationships with all of our siblings.

We both have a select group of special friends and co-workers who are already on the journey with us. These people are our support network who have already heard our emotional ups and downs on the IVF journey and are with us for the long haul.

Outside of our support network, we’re anticipating nothing but open minds and arms from either of our extended friendship groups once we bring them in on the journey. As much as it’s going to be an exciting journey, it’s also going to be a long one with potential ups and downs. That means we want to protect our emotions a little and plan to bring more people in when the time is right.
We’re also both lucky to work for progressive businesses that value family in whatever shape they come, which happily extends to LGBTQIA+.

Would you like to attend appointments with your Surrogate?

As we’re in Australia we’d love to attend key milestone appointments virtually such as scans (12 week and 21 week). For other appointments we’re happy to be guided by the comfort level of our Surrogate on whether she’d like us to join virtually or if she’s happy to provide updates. We will always make ourselves available virtually for obstetrical appointments if requested as these are check-ins for the health of both the Surrogate and baby and we’re all on this journey together.

What are your thoughts on termination of a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities or complications related to the pregnancy?

We’ve seen first hand how challenging having a child with genetic abnormalities can be. Ryan’s niece, Scarlett, was diagnosed with a rare chromosome disorder which ultimately meant she was born with severe mental and physical impairments. The pregnancy was also high risk with a lot of uncertainty.

Scarlett passed away a week before her fifth birthday which was four and a half years longer than the doctors said she would. She was a fighter! She was loved and brought a lot of joy to her parents, however this also came with a lot of sacrifice, including putting a big strain on Ryan’s brother’s marriage.

As disappointing as it would be, our thoughts are that we would terminate a pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities, both for the safety of our Surrogate, our concerns about the child’s quality of life and also because of the potential strain a resulting birth may put on our relationship.

If the Surrogate becomes pregnant with multiples, how would you feel? How do you feel about the possibility of selective reduction being recommended due to a multiple pregnancy?

Although we want siblings, we’d never want it to come at the cost of our Surrogate’s safety. We’d respect the advice of the medical professionals as well as our Surrogate.

A healthy and safe birth for both our Surrogate and baby is the number one priority and if that requires selective reduction, then we are very comfortable with that course of action.

Are you vaccinated for Covid-19? Do you have a preference for a Surrogate to have been vaccinated for Covid-19?

Yes, we're both vaccinated for COVID-19. We'd prefer not to work with an unvaccinated Surrogate based on potential higher risks to the pregnancy.

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your Surrogate during the pregnancy?

We’re looking for someone who is a great communicator, who we can be our authentic selves with and vice versa. To us that means being open, honest and a willingness to share funny moments and hard moments.

As first time IP’s who will be all the way on the other side of the world, it’s hard to imagine what that could be like, but here are some thoughts!

Perhaps our relationship would start a little more structured with scheduled check-ins and chats to share how everyone is feeling, both physically and emotionally as we get to know each other more. It would be nice to hear that if there’s morning sickness that there’s someone there to support her.

Over time, this might move to a more organic communication style where we wake up to a Whatsapp message about some funky craving our Surrogate is having, or perhaps she wakes up to a message from us about a baby name we’ve been debating. We might even get a call at who-knows-what-hour telling us she just felt the baby kick for the first time and she just wanted to share the excitement.

To recap, we’d love to start with a little bit of structure and let our relationship develop organically as we go on this big life journey together.

Lastly, we acknowledge our Surrogate will have lots going on in her life already! We will be one thing that she’s juggling in her daily life so we’ll fully respect her time, space and boundaries.

Do you want to be in the delivery room when your child is born?

Yes, we’d love to! However, this is something we’d want to make sure our Surrogate would be comfortable with. Without fully knowing how many people are allowed in the delivery room, perhaps she might want her partner or a close loved one with her as a preference. Ultimately we want our Surrogate's comfort to come first in the delivery room.

What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your Surrogate after the birth of your child?

We 100% want to stay connected with our Surrogate after birth. This is something we’d love to collaborate on as a group. Some first thoughts would be sharing our child’s key milestones such as birthdays, school photos or annual family Christmas photos (the sillier the better!) as well as acknowledging mother’s day for her each year.

Would you be open to a home birth?

In our research on home births we can understand the pros; being in your own space surrounded by creature comforts and closest people. Our understanding is that a home birth would only be in the case of a low risk pregnancy and it would be a well medically reached decision.

Having said that, without lived experience it’s really hard for us to have a really strong opinion at this stage. It’s easy for the mind to wonder what could go wrong for either our Surrogate or baby, and if so how quickly any additional critical support could be provided based on urgency and proximity to a hospital.

As this is new to us, it’s something we’d want to discuss and work through as a team.

Are you open to midwifery care?

Our understanding is that both midwives and obstetricians are experts in caring for babies during pregnancy and labour. Our Surrogate may have previously worked with a midwife and that may be her preference.

Would you like your Surrogate to provide breastmilk?
Our initial thoughts are that we’d only like our surrogate to provide breast milk if it was something she felt strongly about. There’s no pressure or requirement from us, given that our Surrogate would have already lovingly carried our baby for nine months.
Based on the fact that we’d most likely be returning to Australia a month or two after our baby is born, without more medical understanding of having to switch to formula from breast milk, we’re not sure if it’s required.

What will you tell the child about the Surrogate, and the circumstances of their birth? If your child asks to meet the Surrogate, how will you feel?

We’re going to be fully transparent. It’s going to take a global village to help create our baby and we’ve already started collecting artifacts and photos from the journey so far to create a journal that will one day be shared with them. Our Surrogate is a key, love filled part of their origin story who will be affectionately referred to as their ‘tummy mummy’.

Our plan is that our Surrogate will be known to our child so this should never be a question to shy away from.

If the transfer is unsuccessful, will you want to try again? If so, how soon after?

A resounding yes! We’ll wipe away the tears and disappointment and pick ourselves up and try again. How soon would be determined by our surrogates comfort level (physical and emotional) and the advice of medical professionals.

If this surrogacy journey is successful, would you want to complete a sibling journey? What do you envision that looking like? (timeline, same Surrogate etc.)

Yes, we’d love a sibling journey if our first surrogacy journey is successful. A timeline could look something like a year after our first is born. There would be a few factors at play. We may need to create more embryos if we use both of our embryos to create our first child. Would our Surrogate be open to a sibling journey and if so, when. Or will we have to find another Surrogate potentially.
This is perhaps a question for future Ryan and Shane to revisit!

What are your plans for childcare once the child is born?

For the first year it’s going to be us and we can’t wait! Ryan will take the first 6 months off work as primary caregiver. Having had three younger brothers he can’t wait to warm bottles, burp, bathe and change poopy diapers! Shane will then take the next 6 months off after building baby confidence, getting to master ‘tummy time’, ‘clap hands’ and ‘peek-a-boo’ so we both get to experience the precious first year.
We’ll be splitting our time between our city apartment and beach house. A life full of fun experiences is how we see our future with any children and why not start young!
We also have friends just around the corner who are already putting their hands up to babysit to provide any relief and hopefully the occasional baby free date night!

What does a typical weekend look like for you?

Our weekends, like every other day, start early! Usually with a coffee in bed followed by a morning surf while watching the sun rise. It’s a pretty magical way of starting the day and always puts us in the best mood! We’re massive beach people (maybe we were mermen in a previous life?) so our lives revolve around being near the water doing something active.
Post our surf, we’ll take our dog ‘Thor’ for a beach walk and chat about what our weekend grand plans are. We’ve been spending the last year renovating our beach house so usually it’ll involve what items we want to tick off our list… and of-course we always get too ambitious. Our current project has been building a surfboard shed which is painted pink and yellow stripes!
If we’re not down at the beach, we’ll be in the city soaking up all of Melbourne’s cultural gems such as the many markets, galleries or theatres. We’ll either make plans with friends or at some point we’ll bump into them for an impromptu catch up.

What are some of your interests/ activities?

We love life and are always doing something. In fact, aside from sitting down to eat and winding down with an episode or two in the evening, we’re known for never stopping!

Here’s a shortened list of some of our favourite things:
Surfing – there's no better feeling than riding a wave. And if you don’t manage to get any well at least you got a great arm workout!
Tennis - Shane was talented enough to get a college scholarship growing up but chose a different path. He’s still an incredible player and we’ve made lifelong friends through the local club. Shane will sometimes test his patience by giving Ryan a lesson, who thankfully can stand his own on the court. Sort of!
Fitness - not only are there great health benefits to a workout, it’s also great for mental health by getting the blood and endorphins pumping. We run, swim, spin, HIIT, box and even pickle ball! Have you tried it yet… it’s a blast!
Renovating and DIY - we spend A LOT of time renovating… but we don’t think it’s a chore! It’s a great chance to be creative and try some of those cool ideas we saw on Instagram to put in our own space.
Theatre and cinema - we try to see one show a month. This can be anything from dance, jazz, comedy (we love improv) or musicals. Fun fact, Shane’s Spotify wrapped for 2023 was all show tunes! Ryan goes to the movies with his bestie on the regular which makes it frustrating when Shane wants to watch a movie at home as 9/10 Ryan will have already seen it!
Travelling - the food, the architecture, the fashion, the food and then more food! We love eating our way around the world and can’t wait to do more with a couple of kids in tow. Together we’ve travelled to America, Europe and numerous Asian countries as well as countless road trips in Australia.

Other information:

We have one fur baby named ‘Thor’ who is an English Staffordshire Terrier. Thor’s 7 and he’s been ours for 3 years. He was a rescue and needed a place to call home. We both grew up with dogs and think that life’s not complete without the pitter patter of paws around the house. Although he loves his walks, he loves being surrounded by humans even more, especially on those work from home days!

Ryan’s a really amazing cook and since he just had a new kitchen installed by Shane, he loves cooking up a storm! Ryan’s love language is ‘acts of service’ so it’s his absolute pleasure to cook everyday or play host. He’s worked his way through several cookbooks with some recipes making it into regular rotation. His favourite cookbook? Spice Trip by Steve Parle and Emma Grazette. Spice up your life!

Shane is more of a baker with a massive sweet tooth. He can whip out a cake without warning… but usually for himself as Ryan favors the savoury flavors!

If we’re not eating at home, our favorite cuisine would be French. We spent a large portion of our honeymoon in Paris and anytime we eat French food, it brings us back to our honeymoon and all the memories we made.

Our go-to dishes would be steak tartare followed by steak frites avec une coupe de champagne bien sur! We’re very lucky as a French bistro just opened across the road so it doesn’t take much convincing from either of us to walk across the road to live our French fan-tasty!

We’ve been together for 12 years (married for 5) and met at a bar. Ryan likes to tell people ‘he was a waitress working at a cocktail bar’ (a reference to Human League’s song ‘Don’t you want me’)… and he was! Shane often frequented the local bar which had a wallet-friendly happy hour and after a few repeat visits (and a cocktail or four), he’d worked up the courage to speak to Ryan….and by speak to Ryan, he means write his number on a receipt and RUN! Either way Ryan called and the rest is history!

Our favourite destination is Paris! BC (before covid!) we’d actually planned to move there but like everyone else, our plans changed. Although we didn’t move to Paris, we did technically move overseas to Phillip Island which is a small coastal town two hours from Melbourne. It’s famous for its penguin parade, but you can also see wallabies, echidnas, dolphins and even whales if it’s the right time of year. In fact on our morning surf today we saw a seal swimming about twenty metres away! Cute... but don't come any closer!

We’re serial renovators and love a good project. We started our first renovation by painting some kitchen cabinets… it quickly escalated to ripping out bathrooms, kitchens, floors, walls – you name it! You can learn a lot from watching a Youtube video and we sure have!

“We’re both such optimistic, positive, happy, half glass full people with so much love to give.

Our dream is to share the beautiful life we’ve created with any future children and go on more adventures together as a family. Whether it’s antiquing in the markets of Paris or surfing in Hawaii with the biggest adventure of all… getting to become dads.”